When Hairy met Surly

Posted on Mon Apr 13th, 2026 @ 1:41am by Lieutenant Varkl Brukh

828 words; about a 4 minute read

Mission: Echos on the Deck
Location: Promenade
Timeline: Immedately following "A Foodie's Delight"

After consuming a delightful meal, and vowing to the Italian proprietors that he would most certainly return for more of their most excellent fare; Brukh departed Papa Angelo's Italian Bistro in very good spirits. Turning back down the corridor from whence he first came a little over an hour before he began considering taking a stroll through the arboretum to help his stomachs digest.

As he once again passed the bar in the opposite direction, his pondering was abruptly curtailed by three security crewmen escorting a pair of burly - and thoroughly drunk Nausicaans out of the premises, one of which stumbles into the off-duty engineer.

"Tsavek!" the stumbling alien bellowed what was likely an expletive that was fortunately not in the universal translators database. Upon righting himself he took a bleary look at who prevented his fall, "Hu-mon, who let the pig-race on this station?"

Before the lead security officer could come forward to answer, and potentially head off what he anticipated would be a fight, the Tellarite answered the challenge. "I'm surprised you can see anything after drinking the bar dry! Whew" he waved a hand in front of his ample snout, "I'm going to have to send a team down here to scrub the entire promenade to get rid of the stink."

"Better have them bring lots of mud so you can wash yourself!" the first Nausicaan sneered.

"An excellent suggestion, I haven't had a good mud bath since I came aboard." Brukh chortled, "I never knew your kind to be so polite!"

"POLITE!" the second alien roared, slobber dripping off his tusks, "No one has ever called a Nausicaan polite!"

"Well here's a first for you then!" the Tellarite retorted, "Soon you'll start having dinner with forks instead of just eating with your hands."

"Forks are for Hu-mons, real warriors use knives!" He reached for his belt before realizing that it wasn't there. Being soused he had forgotten that one of the conditions of allowing their visits to the station was no weapons allowed. The three security officers tensed in readiness, but the drunk alien exhaled heavily while dropping his hand back down grumbling some choice expletives too low to be heard.

Brukh grinned realizing he'd scored a valuable point in the argument, and decided to change topics turning to the first again. "You call those tiny teeth tusks? My cousin has better tusks than that and he's still in school!" From the sputter that ensued he knew he'd found a new mark.

"At least I have tusks unlike you!" the first snarled.

"I had a fine pair, but they kept getting tangled up in my hair." He brushed a meaty hand across the side of his head, "I can see you have the same problem with that unruly mess, you look like a dead tree in winter."

"A warrior doesn't need fancy hair!" came the rebuttal.

Brukh scoffed, "tell that to a Klingon. They're thrice the warriors you are, and their hair is always neatly braided."

"Klingons are weak! We take many of their puny bird-ships."

"I never expected that you'd admit to being a pirate!" Brukh retorted. "Isn't that against some sort of code? Rule one - don't speak about being a pirate, rule two - don't speak about being a pirate."

"Nausicaans are NOT pirates!" the second snarled stepping face-to-face with Brukh.

The Tellarite blinked his beady eyes and retreated a few steps, as a physical wall of aroma accompanied the alien "Ugh, I can smell at least 12 different spirits just on your clothes, to say nothing about your breath!"

"Hah! We would have had more if these puny Hu-mons didn't stop us." he growled at the security team standing nearby somewhat amused by the verbal exchange.

"Good thing too!" Brukh quipped, "Otherwise you couldn't have found the airlock to get back to your ship, I'm sure the High Fang wouldn't be too pleased to have two more of his crew arrested."

"Bah!" the first exclaimed, High Fang Torvax is family. When he hears how much we drank he'll be impressed, we drink far more than a fat swine could."

Brukh chuckled, "You've never had a drinking contest with a Tellarite then, perhaps when you're sober I will take you up on that challenge."

After a brief stare-off all three erupted in laughter. "I look forward to that Star-fleet! Perhaps you can be a better opponent than these pink Hu-mons."

The drunk duo proceeded out of the corridor escorted by two of the guards, the third; evidently the team leader remained to speak with Brukh. "That turned out better than I would have expected..." he sighed.

"Without their weapons, those toothy buggers are mostly bluster. By the sound of it they've never actually met someone who would challenge them at insults." Brukh chortled, "If the Federation ever sends a diplomatic team to negotiate with them, it should certainly be a delegation of Tellarites."

--------
Lt. Varkl Brukh
Chief Engineer
Sentinel Station

 

RSS Feed